Finally, Good News!

Are you ready for it?

I GOT A JOB!

I feel very relived, and at the same time, nervous. I haven't worked full time as an employee for 7 years. So it's going to be a big adjustment, both for me and for the fam. But it's worth it. I'll be getting a pay check which we very much need, and I think it will be good for us to switch roles for a while, even though it's not what either of us had in mind.

To start out it will be part-time (about 25-30 hours a week) but it will become a full-time position within a few months. So maybe that will give us a chance to ease into it. I start Monday! EEEEEE!

Funny thing, I worked for this company 10 years ago for 7 months. I almost didn't send them my resume because I was never told why I was laid off. So I guess it's a good thing I got up my courage and sent it anyway! I still don't know what happened 10 years ago, and neither do they since nothing was written in my file, so I guess that's good!

When I got home from the interview/job offer this morning, we had letters in our mail box from Workman's Comp. And...

...

He's been denied again.

*SIGH*

I really have an idea of why some people have gone on rampages. Like, with guns and stuff.

It's SO frustrating!!!

But on a good note, he was approved for long-term disability through his work! Which means 12 months of health insurance and an actual regular pay check for 70% of his normal wage. HURRAY! This has lifted a gigantic weight off our shoulders!!!

So we're going to be fine.

Really.

Not that we thought we wouldn't be.

Well, maybe a little.

Anyway, for you lovely people who are still following this blog even though I haven't written much at all this year, I really appreciate you. Thank you for sticking with me even though I haven't been around much. In an effort to actually post here on a regular basis I think I'm going to do something a bit different. My new goal is to write 3 sentences a day. Just 3, should be easy, right? It will be good for me, to return to sense of routine with my daily postings, and at the same time not overwhelm myself or push myself to do more than I can handle. So, that's what you can expect from me from here on out, hopefully it'll result in more concise regularity.

Such Is Life

I haven't updated my blog in forever, so I thought I should, and then I thought, "But my life pretty much sucks, who would want to read that??" So I didn't. And then life started to suck even more, and more, and more. And now it's gotten to the point where I can't even put it all into words. I just don't have words. It's too vast.

How can one quickly sum up the incidents of a life that lead to this place? The place where sorrow and happiness meet. Where emotions run so high and so complicated that thinking about it makes you want to cry and smile at the same time. I have no idea. But maybe trying will help somehow, although I'm skeptical that's even possible.

To catch you up to speed, Workman's Comp denied Hubs' surgery back in April. Since then we've been waiting for doctors and lawyers and insurance reps to get their paperwork ducks in a row. We're still waiting, and praying, and hoping for the best. In the meantime Hubs hasn't been working. We're living on savings (thank God we have it!) and praying we won't have to much longer.

In the midst of this waiting, our 24 year old niece passed away on June 19th. We're devastated. I could write a whole post simply about this incident, but I'm not sure I could bear it. Let's just say, no one expects their 24 year old daughter to go asleep one night and simply not wake up the next morning. Alisha was a sweet bright light in our family, we loved her dearly, and miss her terribly.

We drove to California for a party in her honor, stayed for a week or so, went to Disneyland with Hubs' family (Who does these things? We do apparently. Although I'm sure Alisha would have approved.) and came home. A grueling 16 hour drive home, but hey, who's counting?

Our dogs were sick the whole time we were gone, and although we had excellent neighbors caring for them, our house was a poopy barfy mess when we arrived and we spent the following 6 hours cleaning and sanitizing. And then we fell down and slept like rocks.

We also came home to some scary letters from Hubs' work and workman's comp, and had to wait for 2 weeks for our lawyer to get home from his vacation before we knew what it all meant. Basically, they can't fire Hubs, but they can stop paying for his health insurance and force us to pay for Cobra. We learned this on our anniversary this week. Happy Anniversary to us! Eight years, and we're still chugging along. At our Anniversary dinner last night, in the same spot where we had our wedding reception, we decided that I need to start looking for a job. It's not what either of us had planned, but we gotta stay solvent somehow.

To top it all off, I found out yesterday that I have a gallstone. I had the ultrasound yesterday morning, and I am waiting to hear from my doctor about whether or not she'll recommend surgery.

Truthfully, we're pretty scared and sad. We're not sure where this road is leading but it sure seems like it's not going to a good place.

The bright spot of course, is our girls. Without them we'd be wallowing in self-pity right about now. Instead, we're having so much fun with them! They're at such an excellent age right now, learning new things all the time, excited about such simple pleasures, and constantly saying things to crack is up. Laughter really is good medicine. Amen!

So, where have you been?

Me? I've been playing Sims 3 in between watching my kids grow and trying to remain sane. So let me get you caught up on the past few months since obviously blogging hasn't been my forte lately.

Hubs is scheduled for shoulder surgery the end of April. FINALLY!!! I know this is a good thing because obviously something needs to happen to get him healthy again. But I'm terribly nervous about what an actual SURGERY will mean in the here and now. It will mean that he will be even more incapacitated for the next several months. Which will mean I will take on even more of his duties, including taking care of him in his post-surgical state which I have been warned isn't going to be pretty. So we've been brain storming about things that should be done before then, and we've got a list going. My parents have taken the next week off of work for Spring break, so hopefully they'll be able to help out with the preparations.

My own health has been pretty terrible lately. I've been in a lot of pain in pretty much every joint in my body. Looking back, probably too much inactivity playing Sims for sure, but it's enough to be concerning to me. So I'm going in to get my blood tested this afternoon to make sure that it isn't something more serious. I'm not sure I've mentioned before, but I've been in 2 pretty serious car accidents in my youth, so I've always been a bit messed up. But this is probably the most pain I've been in since recovering from those accidents. Not good. Especially with Hubs' surgery coming up. I really need to be at my best by then.

All this, plus the whole chest pain incident, has lead me to the conclusion that one of the things we HAVE to do before the end of April is get on a diet and loose some poundage before then. My personal goal is to loose 10 lbs. I'm hoping Hubs will loose even more than that, being a man and all it should be easier for him. (Don't you ladies just HATE that?) I'm sure we will both feel better if we are successful with this and be more prepared for the physical demands that this surgery will require. So we're getting back on the Mayo Clinic Diet, since that has worked for us in the past and we didn't feel terribly deprived while on it. The only reason why we stopped doing it last time was because it's very produce heavy, which is wonderful but also expensive. But now that Spring is here and I'll be planting a garden soon it should help with the cost.

We're postponing potty training. The girls are VERY ready, but we're not. And knowing this surgery is coming, I just can't take on another project. I'm currently planning to start with the potty training once the weather warms up. I've been told it's much easier to do outdoors.

The girls are doing really well in Early Intervention. They age out of the birth-3 program in June, so soon they will start testing to determine if they will qualify for the 3-5 year old program. We've pretty much already decided that they won't be going to pre-school in the fall, even if they qualify for the free public pre-school. We're not ready to make any school decisions, we didn't think we'd have to until kindergarten. Hubs very much wants me to home school, I pretty much think I'd be terrible at that. But if they qualify for speech therapy then we'll probably do that.

Outside of that they're at an absolutely delightful age right now. Chubby chubby cheeks and smiles and giggles. Playing much more social games both with us and with each other. This whole twins thing is certainly easier in that regard. They are much more able to entertain themselves rather than needing me to entertain them. Ziva is much better at asking for things that she wants with her words, although there are certainly times when I don't understand her and she gets very frustrated. Anya now asks for some things, such as crackers or milk and sometimes requests which movie she wants, but her vocabulary is more limited and tantrums are pretty frequent for her as a result. Sometimes they're both crying and demanding things from me and unable to tell me what they want and I end up wanting to throw my own tantrum! Yikes! Thank God for Book Club and Bunco night so that Momma can get a break!

Anyway, so that's where we've been. Obviously my blogging life has taken the back burner. I'm hoping to update more often. I think I really NEED it, if you know what I mean. Writing is my outlet, and when I don't do it I end up becoming even more stressed. It's become part of what I need to do to take care of myself. This, and yoga. And if I stop doing either one I end up a mess, both mentally and physically due to stress. So I'm hoping to keep up better, both writing and visiting my fellow bloggers whom I love. As part of that I'm pairing down my blogroll so that it's more manageable for me. I've been following WAY too many amazing blogs, and then feel overwhelmed when I check my reader and there are 1000+ things to read. So please don't take offense if one of the blogs I drop is yours. It was either stop the following or just stop reading anyone at all. Truly, nothing personal.

Frankly...

I'm very tired today. Too tired to be creative or come up with pretty words. So I'm going to cut right to the chase.

I'm scared.

Thursday afternoon was pretty much like any other day at my house. Until my husband woke up at 4pm and confessed to me that he had some chest pain, and that it had been going on for about a week. But that the previous night at work he had a pretty terrible "episode" which lasted a few minutes and scared both him and the co-worker who was there at the time. The only reason he told me anything at all was that it had gotten to the point where he felt he needed to see a doctor about it and he asked me to call and make an appointment.

Can someone explain to me why men do these things??? Why they think it's perfectly ok to keep their health problems to themselves until it reaches a severe magnitude???

Sorry, the whole "I didn't want to worry you, Honey." just doesn't work for me.

Instead of making him an appointment I questioned him, and then sent him to the ER. I had dinner in the oven and no hope of child care until 7:30pm so it was the best I could do. Honestly, I thought it would probably turn out to be nothing. Maybe it was just a panic attack or heartburn or something really simple. He's only 42. It can't be his heart. Not yet.

Around 7pm he called me to say that he was still in the ER. That they were getting ready to transfer him to his own room because they were going to keep him overnight for observation. He sounded calm, like it was no big deal. And then he casually stated that they thought it might have been a blood clot or a minor heart attack.

!!!

So although my neighbor knew what was going on from the start and had generously offered to babysit when she got home from work, I felt like I needed to call in the troops for reinforcement (the troops being my parents). They threw some overnight stuff together and hurried over. All while I ran around throwing a bag together for myself. Once they got here I piled in the car and headed to be with my man.

When I got there he was still in the ER, all hooked up to wires and tubes. He looked ok though, lethargic from the drugs they gave him, but otherwise his normal self. Just being there calmed me.

There really isn't much else exciting to share. We spent a very restless night at the hospital, and the next day they couldn't figure out what was wrong so they sent him home with a no-salt diet and a number for a cardiologist. They did notice an "electrical blockage" for one of his arteries on an EKG, but other than that there was nothing outstanding.

So we're home now. And he's back to not telling me if he's not feeling well.

He's frustrated because they couldn't find what was wrong. He's afraid that it will just be like his shoulder. That it will go on and on with no diagnosis and no answers to the point that he feels people don't believe his pain.

Me? I'm just afraid of loosing him. I knew when I married a man 10 years my senior that it was likely to happen someday, but I'm certainly not ready yet. Although, when is anyone ready for such an event? But I'm REALLY not ready now. I need him. And our girls will need him for at least 20 more years. So although his dad died from a heart attack at 62, that's still 20 years from now. This whole "it's just a little chest pain" scares the living crap outta me. And the fact that he doesn't share how he's feeling scares me even more. I hate it. It pisses me off. It makes me wanna scream at him, except I'm sure that won't make things better in any way.

Hubs: I don't see why you're so worried. If I die you'll instantly become a wealthy woman!

Me: I never wanted to be a wealthy woman. I only wanted you.

Family Update

We had another appointment with a orthopedic surgeon about Hubs shoulder. We liked this new doctor, he really seemed to listen. He even took notes. His recommendation is to try a steroid injection. It could solve the problem, it could fix it temporarily, or it could not work at all. But either way it would provide more info about what might be wrong. Hubs isn't thrilled with the idea of a big needle injecting something right into the spot where he hurts, but hopefully it will help. The injection will probably happen sometime next week after insurance approves it.

We're all sick with colds. It sucks. I'm actually starting to feel better today... I think. Anya is teething on top of it all and is super clingy. I mostly wish I could go into hibernation until it's all over, but then who would cook?

We're about to have a new neighbor. Our next door neighbor who has been trying to sell his house for about 9 months has accepted a cash offer. I didn't know cash offers were going down these days, but there you have it. As a result, he'll probably be moved out and gone very quickly, which makes the rest of us pretty sad. He's been a great neighbor. We only hope that our new neighbors will be as wonderful.

My dad's 70th birthday party is this Saturday. My gift is making his cake. I'm planning to make this Bakerella beauty. I've been itching to make it since she posted it back in February, and now I finally have a good excuse! I'm excited to make it, but wish I had more energy to do my best. I just hope it turns out ok and I don't embarrass myself.

Speaking of neighbors, I've spent a lot of time with one of my other neighbors. We've started a Bible study together, which has lead to other great conversations and spending more time together. How amazing is it that God has placed her in my life during this time!? Here I am, so stressed out most days, just trying to scrape through, and then God brings a new friend who lives kitty corner across the street. Wow!

Anyway, that's about it. Again, wish I had more time, energy, oomph to give more attention to this blog. I have so many great ideas stirring in the back of my mind, but just haven't been able to carry things out the way I'd like to.

Family Update

No new news on Hubs' shoulder. We're getting the feeling that the doctor that supposed to provide the second opinion is giving us the brush off. So we're researching other doctors. If anyone knows an orthopedic surgeon in the Portland, OR area who specializes in shoulder injuries please let me know.

My parents are back in town after being gone for the past 2 weeks. They attended my dad's family reunion in Kansas and also went to the Christian Counselor's Association Conference (say that three times fast!) in Nashville, TN. So you can look forward to more of my mom's restaurant reviews covering different places they ate while on their great adventure.

I for one am very glad that they are home. I tend to take their help for granted, and whenever they leave I quickly realize how much they do for us. They watch the girls so Hubs and I can go out, they provide a huge and very important part of my social circle, and my mom is flat out awesome when it comes to helping with projects such as canning peaches or making jam. I know I tell them thank you all the time... but seriously, there aren't big enough THANK YOUS for what they do for us.

To celebrate their return, they came and babysat for us last night so that Hubs and I could go out for a date! HURRAY!! And since Hubs birthday is next week, and my parents are going to watch the girls so we can go out again... I decided that it was MY turn to pick where we were going to eat. So I picked On The Boarder. Why? Because we had never been there before and I've wanted to go there for a long time due to rave reviews from friends, and Hubs HATES trying new places... so HERE WAS MY CHANCE!! And oh man, it was GOOD! The first bite Hubs took of his carne asada steak was enough to practically melt him into a puddle, that's how good it was. And my combo plate with beef empanadas, chicken enchilada, and beef taco were all fantastic. The only thing we weren't wild about were their chips and salsa. We both prefer white corn chips, and theirs were yellow corn, so no matter how awesome they were for yellow corn chips they just were not as good as white corn. We also indulged in margaritas, because what Mexican meal is complete without them, right? We started off with their most expensive top shelf margarita, and then decided to try their "shaken margarita. My opinion? The top shelf was excellent, but pricey. Next time I'll just go for the shaken because it too was very delicious and was enough for the two of us to share.

And then we went and bought a Wii! And came home, and hooked it up, and played! So far I'm lovin' it! In fact I'm gonna go play some more after I finish this post. I'm ashamed to say that my Wii age is 74... and I'm really hoping that I can blame that on the margaritas but in all seriousness I just can't hit a baseball if my life depended on it regardless of my alcohol intake. Hopefully I can do better today... but I'm not betting on it. lol

So a lot about me... but what about those cute little kidlets??

Well, the kidlets are doing just awesome! Mommy feels like she needs a vacation though. They are getting SO busy!!! By the time nap time comes around I feel like I'm going to fall down. And when they get up I sigh and think, HERE WE GO AGAIN!!! I'm trying really hard to enjoy it, and they do provide an endless source of fun and entertainment and love (let's not forget the LOVE!), but they totally wear me out. I feel like I'm in a constant state of exhaustion from which I will never recover.

But enough doom and gloom! Weren't we supposed to be talking about the kids??

They are constantly doing funny stuff, and I am constantly running for my camera, and then when I get it on and point it at them they come squealing and running at me and I totally miss the thing I was trying to capture!!! So as a result I have very few pictures of them over the past few months. I think I need to hire a film crew to come follow us around for a day just so I can get some memories on tape!

So what would a film crew capture in our typical day?

-Dancing, lots of dancing. Cute adorable toddler dancing. Dancing that involves jumping, kicking of feet in the air, and spinning around in circles until they are dizzy and fall down.

-Ziva blowing spit bubbles, and then saying, "Buh boowwww" which is the signal for me to pop the bubbles with my finger.

-Books books BOOKS!!! Pointing to pictures, saying words they know, indicating that I should tell them what something is, and for Ziva... identifying a few letters. Her smartness somewhat terrifies me.

-Moving furniture. BECAUSE THEY CAN! Carrying chairs to things they want to reach, and then standing on them, and helping each other out to reach whatever it is they need to get their grubby little hands on.

-Much more proficiency with spoons and forks. Lately I give them each their own serving of yogurt or applesauce (yes, mommy is getting braver!). Yesterday once their faces were all messy Ziva said "Beeeer". What honey? You want some beer? "No, Beeeeeer!" Oh! BEARD! Yes honey, you have a beard. Tee hee!!

-We've discovered the trick of putting their pajamas on backwards in order to keep them ON at night! Yes, for weeks and months I've woken them up only to find them totally naked and soaked. Super awesome laundry practice for mommy! Hoping this whole backwards jammy trick will continue to work for a while.

-Anya is becoming more assertive about keeping toys, and is becoming more territorial of Mommy. Part of me kind of hopes that she's swaying away from the Daddy kick she's been on for a while. But the other part of me really doesn't like to be guarded like a dog guards their food. When Ziva comes close Anya will put her hands on my face and then push her face right up against my faces so that our faces are smooshed together as if she's saying, "I NEED YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION NOW!!!" I get it Anya. I do... now can I please have my face back?

Things I Can Do, Things I Can't

Things I Can Do:

Make Pickles

Care for a Garden

Read an occasional book

Play Sims 3

Raise adorable twin 2 year old girls

Bake a semi-healthy treat once a week

Make dinner 5 times a week

Clean the house once a week

Give the dogs some attention, once a day

Plan a Book discussion group, first meeting this Saturday (HURRAY!!)

Take above mentioned toddlers to the grocery store when in dire need for ingredients or diapers or canning jars

Check Facebook twice a day

Maintain a healthy marriage (so sorry you're hitting the low end of the priority list lately honey!)

Things I Apparently Can't Do:

Do all of the above plus make recipes, take pictures of them, edit pictures, post pictures, and give step by step directions of how to make the recipe.


Sorry about that!

But never fear! I'm currently making a batch of bread & butter pickles, taking pictures, and hopefully I'll post up the recipe on Monday! That's right folks, my first Mystery Spice Monday since oh... June? But who's counting, right?

Once the garden dies and I get out of rehab for my Sims 3 addiction I'm sure I'll get back to my regular blogging schedule.

New Developments and other odds and ends

My mom keeps reminding me that I need to write this stuff down, so here I go! You're welcome, Mom. :)

The girls are getting very good at taking their clothes off. During our morning walk today Anya somehow was able to get her shirt off while strapped inside a 5-point harness! Still have no idea how she did that.

I often leave the living room, only to come back 5 minutes later to a naked Ziva. She's started taking ALL her clothes off any time she gets her diaper wet or dirty. This morning I walked in after she had pooped, and she was in the process of taking off her diaper. She looked at me and hurriedly finished taking it off, and then ran to the changing station saying, "Poop! Yuck, yuck!" The other day after a #2 I was changing her and she said, "Poop. Yuck. Bye-bye poop!"

On a somewhat related note, Ziva also hates sleeping with ANY clothing on, including her diaper. So every morning for the past week when I go to wake her up she's totally naked and sleeping in a puddle. She always seems kind of surprised to be all wet, like whoa! How did that happen?

These things lead me to think that Ziva is pretty darn close to being ready for potty training. I think that maybe on Monday I'll try to help her out with that and see what happens.

Elmo Mania has hit our house with a vengence. Ziva says, "Melmo" all the time, and Anya will readily go and get the Elmo doll if we prod her with "Where's Elmo?". But in Ziva's mind pretty much anything that's red is "Melmo" including a pile of tomatoes on the kitchen counter. She saw those tomatoes and signed and said, "More?" "More Pees (please)?" "More Melmo?". I kept trying to explain to her that those were tomatoes, not Melmo, but she wouldn't hear of it. I finally had to shove them into the fridge to get them out of her sight.

Coloring has become a favorite past-time. Yesterday their EI teacher pointed out that Anya is more interested in the process of coloring, and Ziva is more interested in the result. In otherwords, Anya jumps right in with the colors, making lines and circles and dots and seems to really enjoy doing it herself. Ziva on the other hand would much rather watch me draw or color things and only does her own coloring if I push her to. Ziva often brings me their magnidoodles and asks me to draw on them. I almost never see her do her own drawing with them, but Anya draws on them all the time.

Dancing is also big on the Fun list. Anya likes to spin in circles and has a lot of really great dance moves! She starts dancing pretty much as soon as any music comes on and I seriously think she's a better dancer than I am (that really isn't saying much!). Ziva really likes to dance too, but her moves are really different. She really likes to do a bouncing motion bending her knees, it's become her signature move. And when she really gets going she'll jump up and down.

We are really having a lot of fun with them these days which is such a blessing! If it weren't for them we pretty much would lay around and complain about our aches and pains. Instead we're dancing, and tickling, and laughing at their antics! It makes us realize at how good our life really is despite our circumstances.

Change of Plans

We've had an unexpectedly interesting weekend. Our original plan was to sit around and do nothing and hope and pray that by Tuesday we'd feel well enough to make it through another week. You see, now that Hubs has an injured shoulder I've been doing a lot more than I probably should and now I'm in pretty serious pain too. Seriously, not what we need right now... but there you have it. The Tylenol & Advil and Ultram is being passed around like candy these days... so not cool.

Last week my parents invited us to join them at the beach this weekend. I didn't give her an answer for a long time. I was kind of hoping we'd suddenly feel a lot better and be up to the task of packing children into carseats and driving for 2.5 hours. But when it came right down to it we just weren't. We were like whipped puppies ready to sulk off and lick our wounds and not at all prepared for an adventure. So I begrudgingly said no to my Mom. Not something I like to do, especially not when a fun beach weekend is involved.

Then I happened to get into a phone convo with my SIL who out of the blue suggested she and her husband come up from California for the weekend. Her husband had a 4 day weekend, which meant it would be the very first time he's been able to join her on a trip up North to our house. The last time he was able to come up here was for our wedding seven years ago. And really, what's a 15 hour drive when the end result is spending 2 days with your family? I thought it was a little crazy... but maybe just crazy enough to work! So straight away I started laundering guest room sheets and getting excited about a weekend of card playing and sight seeing... and maybe just maybe a dinner out with Hubs alone! But then Thursday came and we got the dreaded call to tell us SIL's husband unexpectedly had his work schedule changed and ended up having to work Friday. Damn it! So there went our second set of potential weekend plans...

So as we were sulking I surfed Facebook. And low and behold one of my best high school buddies was groaning about how her garage sale was canceled due to weather. Ah HA! We made plans quickly, and she and her husband came over last night for dinner! Hurray! We picked veggies, we talked and laughed, and played cards. It was just what we all needed on the first rainy weekend of the season.

Small Victories!

Brushing the girls' teeth has been a major struggle. So much so that I'm often guilty of just giving up and not even trying. Gross!!

But last night I decided to try a new approach. In the past I've just taken their brushes into the living room and brushed their teeth sans toothpaste. Well I finally got some training toothpaste (the kind that's safe to swallow) and decided to give it a go. I took a chair into the bathroom, got the brushes and toothpaste all ready, and then I went and got Ziva. Took a few minutes to convince her that she should stand on the chair rather than sit. But finally I got her on her two feet and gave her a taste of the toothpaste. Hmmm... this might not be so bad! I told her to look in the mirror, and she did, while she allowed me to brush her teeth with NO struggle!! And then I tried to teach her how to spit, which she thought was hilarious! Then I put some water in my mouth to demonstrate how to swish, she was laughing so hard she could barely stand up! And then we were all done. She started to get upset about being done, but when I assured her that we'd do it again tomorrow she calmed down. Then it was Anya's turn. Anya had a more subdued response, but she was also willing to give it a go and her teeth got cleaned. She was very interested in playing with the water, and was fascinating by my gargling demonstration.

Anyway, it was really fun! It's so exciting to see them learning new things and getting excited about the most basic things that we grown-ups take for granted. :) Certainly a bright spot in what has been an otherwise crummy week.

Back to Square One

Short version: Dr. appt. was a bust. Hubs test results came back negative, which means he still has no diagnosis. Dr. recommends physical therapy, which sounds scary to me if they don't actually know what's wrong with him. How do they know that won't make things worse?

Sad. Concerned. Prayerful.

Something had to give

Well, I apologize for disappearing off the face of the blogosphere for a while there. Things have been crazy and stressful around here, and I've worked my way into survival mode. Which basically means anything that I don't absolutely HAVE to do pretty much isn't getting done. Including my blogging.

Now Hubs would say that I'm doing plenty of things that don't HAVE to be done and that I'm piling too much on my plate for no reason. But in his mind preserving our garden produce isn't necessary, and in my mind it is. So there you go! And of course my garden is going crazy! I picked 9 cucumbers yesterday, and a couple days before that I picked 11! So needless to say, I'm making a lot of pickles. At least one batch a week and often 2 or 3 batches. And I also made a huge batch of Ina Garten's Fresh Tomato Basil Soup, which I highly recommend if you have a surplus of tomatoes like I do. My tomato plants are now officially 7 feet tall, with many green ones coming along, and I'm coming up with plans for them. Salsa and spaghetti sauce are certainly on the list.

That may not sound stressful to you, and under normal circumstances it wouldn't stress me out either. But we're not living under normal circumstances.

Hubs is still in massive pain with his shoulder. Two weeks ago we went to see a surgeon, and he basically said that Hubs needed physical therapy because his nerve endings had become so sensitive that the surgeon couldn't locate where the pain was coming from. We were both very disappointed with this news. We were hoping that the surgeon would order more imaging so that we would get a definitive answer about what's going on, because up to this point Hubs hasn't received a diagnosis. Yup, it's been 5 months and 4 doctors, and still no diagnosis. So we were pretty bummed out. Thankfully immediately after that appointment we took off for the beach together sans kids, so we were able to console ourselves with alcoholic beverages and no responsibilities for 2 days. It was MUCH needed! While we were gone the girls had a fabulous time with Grandma & Grandpa. So they had a great vacation too!

Then just this last Monday I started having my own shoulder pain. It had been coming on slowly over the past couple months. An old car accident rotator cuff injury. I usually have to see my chiropractor about twice a year to help me out with it. In between I do exercises daily to keep the pain at bay. It's just something I've learned to live with over the years. But doing all the heavy lifting (both literally and figuratively) for the past 5 months has really taken it's toll on my body. I've learned that I really have to stop carrying both my babies at once. They're getting too big, and I'm just not that strong. I've seen my chiropractor twice this past week, and I'll see her once again next week, and hopefully that'll do the trick. Although last time I saw her she said, "Man, you really messed it up this time." So I might have to keep seeing her for a while. I'm thinking we should get a group rate or something for as much as we're seeing her these days! lol

And then Wednesday Hubs had an appointment that he's been dreading for about a month. Workman's comp has required him to be evaluated by 3 of their own doctors: a chiropractor, a neurologist, and a surgeon. All at the same time. It was a marathon appointment that lasted about 4 hours. But God works in mysterious ways let me tell ya!!! Hubs cracked a joke right off the bat and made them all laugh, and then it was smooth sailing from there! He mentioned at one point that we had twins, and it turned out one of the doctors IS a twin. So they were pretty sold on the idea that Hubs is an upstanding fellow and not just some looser faking an injury to get workman's comp benefits. At the end of the appointment one of the doctors told him, "Thank you for being so open and honest with us." Awesome!! And would you believe it? They went ahead and ordered additional imaging for Hubs' shoulder!! They told Hubs that technically they're not supposed to order tests, but that it was in everyone's best interest that he get a proper diagnosis and get the proper treatment. Hallelujah!! Isn't it totally like God to take the thing you're dreading and turn it into the best thing ever??

So yesterday Hubs went in for a very lengthy set of imaging tests. They injected dye into his shoulder for the MRI, and took a whole series of x-rays, some while holding a 10 lbs. weight. And thankfully I had the forethought to call his surgeon back and make an appointment to go over the results, we are getting in to see him on Wednesday.

We are praying like crazy that the source of his injury can be clearly seen on the imaging that was taken, and that the next course of action will be clear and decisive. Our chiropractor is fairly certain that Hubs needs surgery, and as long as I've known her (20+ years) she's never been wrong. We are anxious to have things progress in the right direction because for the past 5 months we feel like that hasn't happened.

In the meantime, Hubs is in a great deal of pain from all the tests they did on Friday. So we're keeping close to home this weekend. I'll probably spend a lot of time coloring with the girls because taking them for a walk has become too painful for me and I feel like a horrible mom when I can't get them out of the house. Thankfully my parents have helped out a lot. And I have great neighbors who are always willing to jump in when there's an emergency. Without them I'd feel very isolated and helpless.

So that's pretty much why I haven't been blogging lately. :) That and the idea of taking pictures of things, resizing them, and posting them, just sounds like a lot of work. So the plan is that I'm going to focus on just writing, nothing more, because frankly I just can't handle more at this point. My posts are probably going to be speratic at best. But be assured that I'm not gone, I'm just trudging along doing the best I can in a tough situation. A couple of you have emailed me to check and see if I'm ok. Thank you SO much!! You are such sweethearts, and I feel so lucky to have people out there who care even if we have never met in person.

Such an Accomplishment!

I have LIVED to tell the tale!!!

Yes, that's right, I took the girls grocery shopping.

Now that may not sound like such a big deal, but it's hard. And something that I don't usually do. Normally I try to time my grocery trips so that Hubs can watch the girls and I can go by myself. But today, well... today I just got a little bit crazy and decided to give it a whirl.

In case you don't have kids or only have one, here's my little breakdown of what such an adventure involves.

First, I folded up my deluxe double stroller and loaded it into the car. I don't have one of those really cool lightweight ones that fold up like an umbrella. No, mine weighs about 35 lbs. and is about as convenient as brushing your teeth without your hands. But I've been living with it for 2 years now and at this point I'm not willing to spend money on a better one.

Next I go get my kids. One has no pants on and the other has a poopy diaper. So it takes a few minutes to get everyone clean and presentable. I grab one kid to load into the car while the other watches TV. I take the first kid and strap her into her car seat, close and lock the door, while I rush to go get the other one. Turn off the TV, thankfully this one still has her pants on, and I take and load her into the car.

I do a mental check to make sure I have everything, including my brain, that's always a good thing. Thankfully I have everything I need including my earth friendly shopping bags. So I put myself in the car, slam the door, and WHEW! Am I sweating already? Just a little bit, hopefully no one will notice.

So off to the store we go! At this point I'm feeling very proud of myself for even considering this. I've taken the girls to the store before, but always to just grab a thing or two. Today I'm doing the big weekly trip, which means I'll have to get a cart while pushing the stroller... man... why am I doing this? Should I turn around and go back home and forget this ever happened? Stay calm, Amy. You can DO this!!!

In addition to the little pep talk I give myself, I also say a little prayer, "Please God, let this go easier than I expect! Let there be nice people who make room for me and my cart + stroller. AMEN!"

What I'm really hoping for is a store employee to come along with me to do my shopping. Why don't they offer that kind of service??? I'm sure there are other people who would use it.

I pull into the parking lot. Get out the stroller. One child has apparently learned how to work her arms out of the straps. Oh great! I tell her no-no while pointing to her straps and then get her out and load her into the stroller. Then I wheel around to the other side of the vehicle and get out the other kid and put her in too. Shut the doors. Oh wait, the bags! Open the doors, get the bags, shut the doors, set the alarm. Am I sweating again? Dang it! Well hopefully it's just a rosey glow.

Into the store we go! At least it's cooler in here. I pick a cart and pray it's fully functional. With one arm I push the stroller, and with the other I pull the cart behind me. Right off the bat an employee says, "Hey, that looks like WORK!" I say, "Psh, it ain't nothin'!" But what I'm really thinking is, "Yeah, it is, wanna give me a hand?!?"

It takes me a while to figure out how to navigate the stroller, which really needs two hands to stay on course. Finally I figure out that if I use my right arm, and push it with my entire forearm I can push with my hand to turn right, and my elbow to turn left. I get lots of strange looks. Oh well.

On my way out another stranger comments, "Wow! You're a pro!" I say, "It takes practice."

At the check out the lady asks if I'd like help out to my car, "YES!!!"

It took me 3 hours, usually it takes me 2 so that's really not too bad. I'm not sure that I'll repeat this event again anytime soon. Not unless I'm bored and have a lot of energy that I need to expend. But it IS possible, and I CAN do it, and that makes me feel like I climbed Mt. Everest today.

Harvest = Busy Times For Me

I've been picking, and pickling, and canning for the past week. WHEW! My feet hurt, my back hurts, my arms hurt, my fingers hurt, Oh, and my house is a total train wreck. But I have beautiful jars of preserved goodness, and my sanity is still intact.

I also have a broken toe. Yes, that's right, a broken toe. I was playing with Anya, and as we were playing she was getting closer and closer to the arm of the couch. I didn't think she'd fall over it, she's pretty aware of her surroundings. But wouldn't ya know? She fell HEAD FIRST over the edge, and I rushed up to catch her and heard a painful crack from my pinky toe. I failed to catch Anya, so she fell. She landed on her back and immediately cracked up laughing! So really I broke my toe for nothing! Thankfully it doesn't hurt unless I bump it into something. I probably would be just fine with it... if I didn't have 2 crazy herding dogs with big feet and twin toddlers and lots of canning to do. But I'm coping. So it's all good. Sorta.

BUT! There is a bright spot on the horizon! Not this coming weekend, but the weekend after that, Hubs and I are GOING AWAY! BY OURSELVES!!! Seriously, can't wait! It will be the first time we've left the girls overnight, so of course I'm a bit nervous about that, but they're gonna be with my folks so I'm sure they'll have a blast. We had originally thought about going to Seattle, but then I thought I'd rather go to the beach. So I looked into Seaside, but there's a huge volleyball tournament going on there that weekend and all the hotels are charging double their normal rate. Plus we're not huge volleyball fans, and I'm sure there will be huge crowds of fans there that weekend... so we're going to Newport instead! I'm SO excited! When I was a young sprout we spent many a weekend in Newport, but I haven't been there in a long LONG time. So it'll be fun to see what's stayed the same and what's changed over the years. I'm trying to convince Hubs that we should go deep sea fishing. I've never been, and I actually think it sounds like fun. But I'm sure whatever we do we'll have a good time, cause that's just how things tend to go when we're together.

I'm actually trying not to dwell on looking forward to it too much, because who knows what will happen between now and then. Just trying to live each day full up to it's brim with activity and lean on Him for support when I need it (seems like I need it a lot lately).

Just a little reminder, I'm giving away a super cute hand painted children's step stool on my blog on Friday. There's not a huge number of entries so everyone who comes by and enters has a really good chance at winning! Just click the link up at the top of my blog (for those of you reading this on FB notes http://theatoztwins.blogspot.com).

Life is Just a Hill of Beans

After 2 days of canning beans I think I'm finally done. At least with the current crop. There's still more out there that I haven't picked yet. I've made a dozen pint jars of pressure canned green and wax beans and 10 pint jars of dilled beans. And I'm already starting to formulate plans to make some blueberry butter & syrup. I found a recipe where you use the same batch of berries to make both things. And Hubs LOVES blueberry syrup!

But I might just make a blueberry pie instead. Or crisp, or...

Anyway, I'm beat. So my plan for today is to do absolutely nothing. I haven't even taken pictures of my canned bean accomplishment, but I'm sure you can picture those lovely jars of preserved garden goodness just fine.

Update On My Mental Status

Ok, just thought I should let everyone know that I'm feeling a bit better since I posted this morning. Hubs got to his Dr. appointment early and was able to be seen and get back home. Then he sent me out to get the emissions on his truck checked and go grocery shopping. While I was gone he cleaned up the house, all I have left to do is the bathrooms. Hopefully that doesn't land him on the couch for the next few days (which may happen anyway since he's catching that cold).

I wasn't able to get the pressure gauge tested today. I thought it would be an easy drive to the county extension office, a 2 minute test, and then drive home (it's about 30 min. away). But no. I have to make an appointment with a specific person who doesn't work on Mondays or visit their next clinic at a local farm on Wednesday. They suggested I call back tomorrow and find out if someone will be in who can help me. I'm seriously wishing Home Depot or Lowes would offer this kind of service so that I could get it done on my time frame, but apparently that's just not how it's done. So my beans will just have to wait another day... and I hate waiting. Obviously.

The Pressure is ON!

I had a horrible no good rotten day yesterday. I got my pressure canner in the mail on Saturday, and yesterday I realized that my whole life right now feels like a pressure cooker. The steam is building, and pretty soon something will have to give otherwise I'll simply explode.

Let me give you a little back story. I haven't been writing about my current life circumstances much lately here on my blog. Why? Because I honestly don't want to think about it. And I certainly don't want to put it into words and make it even more real. But the reality is that although certain parts of my life are awesome right now, spectacular even, while other parts are downright horrible and frightening with no end in sight. The wonderful parts mostly include my domestic life with the girls. I truly love my life with them, and enjoy 99.9% of being a Mom. The horrible scary parts mostly have to do with my husband's shoulder injury...

Now, I fully realize that other people out there in the world have much worse problems. A shoulder injury after all isn't life threatening. But it has an absolutely HUGE impact on our daily life. Because of his injury he pretty much isn't able to do much of anything around the house, and the few times he HAS tried to do things (like tackle the dirty house and clean it from top to bottom) it always ends with him totally doped up on pain meds and completely out of commission for a week. Over the past 4+ months I've fully realized that his contribution to the household is vital, because I've pretty much had to go without his participation. It may sound like an excuse to sit around and do nothing, but honestly it isn't. The man barely has use of his right arm, and of course he is right handed. I've had to help him fill out workman's comp forms because it was too painful for him to hold a pen and write. It's that bad. He can't change a diaper, he can only lift the girls with one arm, and lets not even start talking about the numerous projects around the house that remain undone (like baby proofing our kitchen). It's crazy. And I've had to do a lot more heavy lifting (both literal and figurative) than I ever thought I'd need to.

I recently had a friend tell me, "But it's only temporary." Well, I guess that depends on your definition of temporary. So far all the doctors that have seen him have said that there isn't much in the way of treatment available for the kind of injury that he has (bruised bone, nerve damage, AC separation, and who knows what else). The only thing to do is wait. We've heard time frames like one year, 2 years, maybe 5 years, maybe never. Maybe this is as good as it's going to get.

And me? I'm furious. Because this never should have happened in the first place! I feel like when that idiot trainer injured my husband he practically stole him away from me. And I NEED him!

So we've done something I thought we'd never do, we've hired a lawyer. And although I DO think he's going to be able to help us, I also have to continue to live day by day without help. Going it alone, and burning out.

Back to yesterday and why it was so terrible. Ziva smeared poop in various locations not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES! Our stupid dog would not shut up due to the children playing with toys he didn't agree with. So ALL DAY LONG it was bark bark BARK at every single little thing. I was/am stressing out about canning green beans. I've never done it before, never even seen it done, but I purposefully planted extra beans back in April because I wanted to give it a try. Well, the beans are ready RIGHT NOW, and I have to figure out where to get the pressure gauge tested (I know the where at this point, but I still have yet to figure out the when, and those beans aren't going to wait forever) and buy canning jars, and check recipes, etc. etc. And I'm terrified about doing it all by myself, but I really have no other option since me and the girls are getting over colds, and Hubs is just starting to come down with one, and I don't want visitors in my house who would inevitably catch what we've got. In addition to that, my house is a total pig stye after me being sick for the past 2 weeks. I have dog hair balls the size of Kansas floating across my floor and my bathrooms are downright toxic.

And then I looked at my schedule for this next week. Monday, Hubs has a Dr. appointment and then works that night. Tuesday, same. Wednesday Hubs works a 12 hour shift. Thursday, same. Friday, Hubs has another Dr. appointment but thankfully doesn't work that night. So pretty much from now until Friday I'll have a "Hi, Bye." relationship with my husband and pretty much act as the single parent. That, my friends, took me right to my breaking point. I ended up sobbing last night because I just don't even know how I'm going to do it... AND can green beans.

So obviously, I could use some prayer. I really feel like I could crack at any moment, get my car keys and purse, hop in the car and just keep driving.

I feel slightly better today, mostly because Hubs decided to see his Dr. this morning rather than sleep and call in sick tonight.

Not sure how to end this post other than to say that if you have your health, you should thank your lucky stars.

Goin' On Vacation!!!

That's right! We're actually heading out of our house and hitting the road next week. As I look at my ever increasing to-do list of things that HAVE to get done before we go I realize that something has to give. And you guessed it, it's blogging. So I'm gonna be gone until June 17th. I hope you all decide to stick around until then! I promise, I WILL be back, and hopefully will be inspired to post about all kinds of great things. :)

Twins: In their native habitat

Shhhhh....

We must be vewy vewy quiet...

The twins in their native habitat are easily disturbed. The docile... oh who am I kidding?... sometimes aggressive beasts... will pounce at the slightest provocation. Great care must be taken to avoid such a catastrophe.

And there they sit! You would never know by looking, but these are truly savage beasts.



Alas!!! We have been spotted! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!



Oh the fangs!!! Guard your vital organs!!! (No seriously, you might wanna do that!)



Absolutely vicious I tell you!!!



We may never live to tell the tale!



Look, the pink one is using some sort of sideways maneuver! If we live we should report this new behavior to the authorities.



And look at the purple one! I've never seen such shaggy mane! She must truly be a rarity.



Whew! Well it looks like we might live to see another day... They spared us this time, but will they be so kind tomorrow??

Family Update

Also known as a bunch of random stuff that wouldn't be enough on it's own for a post. :P

The most predominant feature of this past week is that we're all sick with colds. I'm certain Hubs brought it home from one of his Dr. appointments for his shoulder, I've since lectured him on the importance of hand washing. We're actually going on week 2 with this stupid cold that never seems to diminish. For the first few days I pretty much camped out on the couch with the girls and soaked in as much Backyardigans and Sesame Street and The Wiggles as we possibly could. I let the house go to crap. Let the dust bunnies collect en mass. Let Hubs run out for fast food or let him warm up meals from our freezer (for some odd reason he didn't seem to get as sick as the rest of us). Let the weeds grow like gang busters all over my yard. But day before yesterday I just couldn't take it anymore. I pulled myself up off the couch, threw dinner in the crock pot, and bustled around picking up used kleenex and vacuumed my dog hair ridden floors. It was disgusting. And I feel a lot better now that I'm not grossed out every time I look down. I just wish my head would catch on and drain or something so that I could actually breathe through my left nostril.

Hubs' shoulder actually seems to show some improvement, Praise GOD! After 2 months of practically no noticeable difference it seems miraculous that he's actually able to help out a little around the house and wean himself off pain meds. Our chiropractor is a miracle worker, that's all I have to say. And Hubs is finally a believer in her. Having never been to a chiropractor in his life he was reluctant to give it a try, and his primary care Dr. just gave him pain meds and said come back in 2 weeks. FINALLY after WEEKS of NOTHING CHANGING his Dr. referred him to Minga my chiropractor. And whaddaya know? After 2 weeks of seeing her 3 times a week he's nearly all better. My guess is that he'll still need to see her for continued treatments for a while, but the good news is... he's going back to work on Tuesday!!! He still has a scheduled appointment with a neurologist to test for nerve damage (which everyone suspects he has) next week so we'll see how that goes.

My Dad is doing great! For those of you who missed my posts about him 2 weeks ago he recently had surgery to remove his prostate. They say 3/4 of men end up with some form of prostate cancer at some point in their lives, and my dad had stage 3 prostate cancer. Last week they got the test results back on his biopsy and it confirmed that they removed all the cancer, so he should be in the clear now. He's recovering really well! He's taking lots of walks with my mom up and down their street and even getting out with her to run some errands. He says he's still having some pain at his incision sites (they make 3 small incisions for the robotic surgery) but that he's feeling better each day.

Dispite their colds the girls are doing all kinds of new and interesting things. Ziva has now on day 5 of her pants strike. Yup, she's refused to wear pants of any kind for 5 days. On day 1 we quickly realized that she would need some duct tape to keep her diaper on, otherwise that would have been a problem. She's showing all kinds of signs of potty training readiness but with us all with colds I'm just not ready to give it a try. In fact, before her pants strike there was one day when after her nap she woke up, took off her pants AND her diaper, pooped, and then proceeded to smear it all over her crib and herself. Yeah, we have some great pictures to prove it but my guess is that none of you want to see a poop covered baby. We all think that she obviously knew she was going to poop before she undressed because her diaper was absolutely clean. So duct tape has become a necessity around here.

Anya has started blowing kisses a lot more recently. She starts from the moment I pick her up in the morning. It's super cute! We also rearranged our living room a couple weeks ago (before we all got sick) and the girls are really enjoying running around the loveseat and playing peek-a-boo with us around each side. They squeal and laugh and throw their arms in the air and say "Yaaaaaay!!!" Super fun times! They've also really started dancing a lot more often. Pretty much anytime a song comes on the TV (even if it's a commercial) they'll get down and boogie!

We haven't met with Julie (their Early Intervention teacher) for the past 2 weeks due to illness. And of course Julie is on vacation next week, so we won't see her again until the first week of June. So that's kind of a bummer. We all really like Julie and look forward to her visits.

So that's about it! I have one more funny story but I think I'll save that till tomorrow. :P