I had a horrible no good rotten day yesterday. I got my pressure canner in the mail on Saturday, and yesterday I realized that my whole life right now feels like a pressure cooker. The steam is building, and pretty soon something will have to give otherwise I'll simply explode.
Let me give you a little back story. I haven't been writing about my current life circumstances much lately here on my blog. Why? Because I honestly don't want to think about it. And I certainly don't want to put it into words and make it even more real. But the reality is that although certain parts of my life are awesome right now, spectacular even, while other parts are downright horrible and frightening with no end in sight. The wonderful parts mostly include my domestic life with the girls. I truly love my life with them, and enjoy 99.9% of being a Mom. The horrible scary parts mostly have to do with my husband's shoulder injury...
Now, I fully realize that other people out there in the world have much worse problems. A shoulder injury after all isn't life threatening. But it has an absolutely HUGE impact on our daily life. Because of his injury he pretty much isn't able to do much of anything around the house, and the few times he HAS tried to do things (like tackle the dirty house and clean it from top to bottom) it always ends with him totally doped up on pain meds and completely out of commission for a week. Over the past 4+ months I've fully realized that his contribution to the household is vital, because I've pretty much had to go without his participation. It may sound like an excuse to sit around and do nothing, but honestly it isn't. The man barely has use of his right arm, and of course he is right handed. I've had to help him fill out workman's comp forms because it was too painful for him to hold a pen and write. It's that bad. He can't change a diaper, he can only lift the girls with one arm, and lets not even start talking about the numerous projects around the house that remain undone (like baby proofing our kitchen). It's crazy. And I've had to do a lot more heavy lifting (both literal and figurative) than I ever thought I'd need to.
I recently had a friend tell me, "But it's only temporary." Well, I guess that depends on your definition of temporary. So far all the doctors that have seen him have said that there isn't much in the way of treatment available for the kind of injury that he has (bruised bone, nerve damage, AC separation, and who knows what else). The only thing to do is wait. We've heard time frames like one year, 2 years, maybe 5 years, maybe never. Maybe this is as good as it's going to get.
And me? I'm furious. Because this
never should have happened in the first place! I feel like when that idiot trainer injured my husband he practically stole him away from me. And I NEED him!
So we've done something I thought we'd never do, we've hired a lawyer. And although I DO think he's going to be able to help us, I also have to continue to live day by day without help. Going it alone, and burning out.
Back to yesterday and why it was so terrible. Ziva smeared poop in various locations not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES! Our stupid dog would not shut up due to the children playing with toys he didn't agree with. So ALL DAY LONG it was bark bark BARK at every single little thing. I was/am stressing out about canning green beans. I've never done it before, never even seen it done, but I purposefully planted extra beans back in April because I wanted to give it a try. Well, the beans are ready RIGHT NOW, and I have to figure out where to get the pressure gauge tested (I know the where at this point, but I still have yet to figure out the when, and those beans aren't going to wait forever) and buy canning jars, and check recipes, etc. etc. And I'm terrified about doing it all by myself, but I really have no other option since me and the girls are getting over colds, and Hubs is just starting to come down with one, and I don't want visitors in my house who would inevitably catch what we've got. In addition to that, my house is a total pig stye after me being sick for the past 2 weeks. I have dog hair balls the size of Kansas floating across my floor and my bathrooms are downright toxic.
And then I looked at my schedule for this next week. Monday, Hubs has a Dr. appointment and then works that night. Tuesday, same. Wednesday Hubs works a 12 hour shift. Thursday, same. Friday, Hubs has another Dr. appointment but thankfully doesn't work that night. So pretty much from now until Friday I'll have a "Hi, Bye." relationship with my husband and pretty much act as the single parent. That, my friends, took me right to my breaking point. I ended up sobbing last night because I just don't even know how I'm going to do it... AND can green beans.
So obviously, I could use some prayer. I really feel like I could crack at any moment, get my car keys and purse, hop in the car and just keep driving.
I feel slightly better today, mostly because Hubs decided to see his Dr. this morning rather than sleep and call in sick tonight.
Not sure how to end this post other than to say that if you have your health, you should thank your lucky stars.
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